you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
