oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
