Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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