I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
