Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
