I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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