coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
