Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
