I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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