i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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