so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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