Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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