Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
