Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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