I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
