he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
