I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
