am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
