is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
