What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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