I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
