He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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