I must be too annoying 4 u.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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