I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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