you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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