forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
