So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
