i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You dont lie about slip and slides
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
