He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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