smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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