I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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