you traded sex for a burrito?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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