I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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