someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
