I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
