STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize