My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
