Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
