So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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