he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
