ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
