Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
