last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
