he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it because I queefed?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
