dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
