Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
