why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
