My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
