come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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