MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
